A very modest proposal…

Whereas every right we treasure in the United States comes with responsibilities we must uphold; and, whereas the Second Amendment to the Constitution of the United States clearly reads, “A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed”; we therefore conclude that firearms ownership in the United States implies the firearms owner’s responsibility to participate in a well-regulated militia.

All firearms owners are hereby ordered to enlist in their state National Guard. Those failing to do so within a stipulated enlistment period shall surrender any Second Amendment rights that would otherwise accrue to them. Those firearms owners refusing their constitutionally required membership in these well-regulated militia must surrender their arms at the nearest National Guard facility or find themselves subject to all applicable penalties for illegal firearms possession. Firearms owners under the age of 18 shall register as a special class of junior guardsmen and guardswomen and shall not be subject to any combat requirements or other life-threatening duty.

Once registered, these firearms owners will be enlisted into the National Guard at the rank of Provisional Firearms Owner. These enlistees must successfully complete training appropriate to their rank within a stipulated period in order to achieve the rank of Firearms Owner First Class and secure their Second Amendment privileges. Those failing to successfully complete this training must surrender their firearms. They may re-enlist as many times as necessary to successfully complete training and achieve Firearms Owner First Class rank.

To maintain their Firearms Owner First Class rank and their membership in good standing in the National Guard, these Firearms Owner guardsmen and guardswomen must report regularly for all additional training and service the National Guard requires of them. They shall be paid for their service according to their rank and seniority. Firearms Owner guardsmen and guardswomen AWOL from required National Guard duty surrender all Second Amendment rights that otherwise might accrue to them. Guardsmen and guardswomen serving at the rank of Firearms Owner First Class may seek, after successful training and with the approval of their state National Guard, enlistment in the National Guard as full, active members. Such members will enter at the rank of E-1 Private unless prior active duty policy warrants entry at a higher rank.